page sixteen: oscar recap

james franco is stoned. anne hathaway is on uppers. scarjo radiates. jennifer hudson looks beautifully nervous. melissa leo becomes the first person ever to drop f-bombs on stage. christian bale reminds me of british countrysides. amy adams should've won something. kirk douglas is charmingly ancient. gwyneth paltrow sings a bit too much. oprah is pharoah a goddess. eli wallach is finally given his respect. colin firth channels his inner-charles vi during his acceptance. princess natalie portman culminates her career. inception wins a bunch of sound and editing awards (yes, that's as interesting as it sounds). i still need to see toy story 3. the king's speech wins best picture, knocking my generation a step back into winning cinematic prestige, but at least trent reznor has become the only postgrunge musician with a little gold man. what a shitshow.